Run for your life raspberry bush!

Take a look at our lovely pumpkin plant! Do you think there'll be a couple dozen pumpkins by next month?

Aww shucks. I just can't pretend anymore. They won't grow. I have a black thumb. We planted it by seed clear back in the spring and this is only how big it has gotten. It got to this size and then just stopped. It finally got flowers on it last month and then the flowers fell off. Seriously, who can't grow pumpkins?! Me.

Maybe it didn't get enough water. Maybe it's because we planted it in 80% rocks. Or maybe I just shouldn't be allowed to be anywhere near plants for fear that my touch-of-death fingers will kill them.

Just so you know, I never poisoned it. I never stomped on it when I was mad at it. I only gave it tender loving care (when I wasn't busy forgetting about it.)

Thank goodness I saw full grown pumpkins for sale at Home Depot today. Thank goodness.

A little taste

If you are the type of person who sees that there is a merge up ahead, and zooms up as far as you can go to merge, then you are not my friend. If you have done it on accident, you're still a friend. If you do it on accident all the time - nonfriend. For those of you who are like me and hate when people do this, I've figured out a little trick.

The way the butting mergers sneak their way in is they get a little ahead of you and then slowly start coming over. This makes the person who is driving correctly (me or you), worry that the butter might not see us or worry that they will hit us and so it makes us back off to let the narcissistic driver merge in front of us.

Here's how you do it. (This is mostly for construction merging, when everyone is waiting in a long line, but a select few don't think they need to wait as long as the rest of us are waiting. On the freeway, I encourage letting people merge as they enter the lanes.) It has to be a merge that you know that they can see that there is a merge up ahead (construction sign of flashing lights, etc.). If they can't see it, well, that's where the accidental late merging happens and that happens to all of us. But if the sign is easy to see and you see it way ahead, then you know they will see it. And then you know they are butting just to be jerks.

It only works when you are in the exact right place. You have to be really close to where the merge happens. You will need to be moving forward at the time. You will see the driver coming up past the line of cars so that they can cut in the front of the line. As soon as they are about a half a car's length behind you (in the other lane), you ever so slightly lean into their lane. (Not all the way, but just enough to make them think that you are coming into their lane.) They have to back off because to them it looks like a crazy driver is going to hit them and doesn't see them. Then the lanes are merged and they are not in front of you. You have just given them a taste of their own medicine. The medicine for learning to wait your turn. Bitter medicine, eh? As bitter as the bitter root of some really bitter plant. As bitter as 100% cacao. Yeah. Now that's bitter. Bitter butter battle medicine.

I have tried this time and time again. It works. But not if you're too far away from the actual merging lanes. Because most likely, you'll have to stop again and the butter will go around you and still get ahead. There are many times that I just have to watch the butter(s) get ahead and just think, "It's not my time. It won't work today. I'm just not in position for this impossible mission." But when everything aligns just right, it works.

Disclaimer#1: This act is probably discouraged in the drivers' handbook.
Disclaimer #2: I am not responsible if you get into an accident while performing the above instructions.
Disclaimer #3: Have the procedure memorized before attempting. Do not read the instructions while driving.
Disclaimer #4: Toward any police officers who read this: What? (nervous laughing) I'm not teaching people incorrect driving techniques! No one else will even read this anyway!

9/9/09

Today is my and my husband's 9th anniversary. We were married on 9/9/00. I would love to say that we went to the nines this year. That we stayed at the Nine Hotel for $99.00 a night. And ate at the Ninety Nine Restaurant and had a 9 course meal. Then played a round of golf (9 holes). And then watched the sun set in a hot air balloon 90 feet off the ground.

But, first of all, we are not clever enough to set that all up. Second of all, I don't really like golf. And third of all, our daughter is sick today and so there will be no baby sitter and no night out.

But that's okay. Brian is bringing home some dinner tonight that will taste much better than anything I could ever cook, and that's always a celebration. And then we will probably do something this weekend (but still not something as fancy or creative as above). And who knows, we might even make out for 9 minutes. But probably not, cause who makes out for 9 minutes? Maybe for 4.5 minutes. 4.5 times 2 people equals 9 minutes.

Could these cheeks be any chubbier?

Guess what's weird?

When I talk to myself when no one else is around at the store or at home (doesn't everyone do that?) I speak in German. Is that crazy?

Ja, Ich bin ein koo-koo kopf.

Okay, I'm pretty sure koo-koo isn't a German word but it fits.

I don't even realize that I'm doing it. Just if I'm by myself, the words come out in German. And it's not just when I talk to myself out loud. I think German in my head too. It's just very basic sentences like, Where is that? I can't find it. or We are ready to go. or How many do I need to get?

I really wish that I could think in Finnish like that but it never happens. If I ever try to say a sentence in Finnish and I don't know one word, that word also shows up German. Darn that German! Get out of my head! Leave room for some other languages!

For example, I'm learning the days of the week in Finnish. So then I try to say, "Today is Thursday" and I want to say if very fluently so I hurry and say:

[German "Heute ist /Torstai." Finnish]

Darggh!

Does anyone else ever think in another language?

The Book of Ben Chapter 2:30-34*

30. And it came to pass that in those days, Bens two front teeth were very loose. And the number of teeth that were loose, was two. And Ben, being very young and uneducated in the ways of the world, didn't want them to come out. But his mother, seeing that they were ready, caused that she should grab one with a tissue and yank. Now this tooth was the looser of the two. But behold, it didn't come all the way out. It caused only that it stuck straight out. Now this caused much sorrow to Ben. There was much of wild eyes and gnashing of the tooth. Insomuch that his lamenting did cause that his little baby sister was scared and she had great sorrow, and many tears were shed on his behalf.

32. But behold, his mother didn't give up. Therefore, after some boldness of speech and Ben hearing that these were the ways of our fathers, and our fathers fathers, he had calmed down some. And his mother took the tooth with another tissue and pushed inward. Thus the tooth was freed from it's great and terrible grasp.

33. And Ben wept.

34. And there was much rejoicing in all that were present. And behold, it pleased his mother greatly to see this thing that had come to pass. And Ben caused that he should place his tooth under his pillow so that the Tooth Fairy should visit that night. Notwithstanding all that had gone on that night, the other tooth is still in and still loose. And lo, Ben will probably not allow that it also should be pulled any time soon.

(* Get it? 2:30 = tooth hurty? AhHAHahahahaha!)

(I may or may not have stolen that from a Laffy Taffy wrapper.)

Happy face

Addie has the funniest, goofiest "happy face" I've ever seen. As soon as I ask, where's your happy face? she makes this face:

Big softie

I have been known to have America's light rock favorites programmed in my car. I am not ashamed to admit it. It's for those times when I let the ipod battery die (which is more often than I would like) (and "let" doesn't mean that I wanted it to happen) (it just means that I forgot to charge it). I can't just have silence. What am I going to do with all that quiet? Think? Meditation is just not my thing. So it's time to turn on the radio. I can never just leave my radio on one station, I have to constantly move through my six buttons to make sure that I have the least annoying song to listen to. When that goes to commercial or just starts playing a really bad song, I need to see what else is out there on the radio waves.

I could never just leave the station that plays soft hits from the 70's 80's and 90's on permanently because I don't like most of what they play. But you just never know when you're going to come upon a gem like Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler) or Say You, Say Me (Lionel Ritchie). It's pure luck when I get to have Heart singing their hearts out in my car to These Dreams. I melt into a puddle of heaven when I hear Phil Collins singing Against All Odds or In The Air Tonight. I squeal with joy when I can listen to OMD's If You Leave, REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore, or Chicago's You're the Inspiration (let's face it, any Chicago song will do).

I'm pretty sure that you will agree with me when I say that these songs are gems. Beautiful, glittery gems that sometimes blind you when the sun hits them just right. I wish that they played all of these songs in a row, but it is not to be. I must leave the station as soon as the next song comes on and then just take my chances another day, another time. It's like playing the lottery. Sometimes I lose, sometimes I win big time.

But it's during these times when I find the last half of a Thompson Twins song or an Air Supply song that I remember, Ahhh, yes. This is the very reason that I keep button number 5. I like me some soft hits sometimes.

The wait is over

I once said that I could name all of my elementary teachers just from memory. And I know that you've waited too long and are dying of excitement now that I am going to do it. Who were they? Tell us! you say. Well here it goes:

Kindergarten: Mrs. Jacobson - happy, kind, loving, (jolly!) the best kind of Kindergarten teacher.

1st grade: Mrs. Pinney - stern, don't remember her ever smiling. I was jealous of everyone who had Miss Nielson. She was so nice and pretty.

2nd: Mrs. Kelly - I remember what she looked like but I don't remember much else about her.

3rd: Mrs. Ball - classmates said her husband's name was Harry. Seriously! It really does start that young. Scary. My daughter's starting 3rd this year.

4th: Mrs. Akagi - she was as tall as some of the students. She wasn't Japanese but her husband was.

5th: Miss Tuft - I was worried once because I lost some certain paper that we all needed, and I told her so she could help me, and she got mad at me for losing it. She made me cry in front of the whole class and I've never forgotten it. She came through the drive-thru (is that how you spell that?) of a bank that I worked for years later. Still single. Still ugly. Yeah, I know that's mean but she was mean first. People who yell at good little girls are ugly inside and out. Plus she really is a homely person. She was looking at me through the window of the bank like she recognized me but I pretended like I had no idea who she was. Ha ha! It felt good. In a bad sort of way.

6th: Mr. Stavros - everyone liked him. he was loud, funny and nice. He called me "Mac" since my last name started with Mc.

I know that some of you might not think of remembering all your elementary teachers' names is a talent, but I do. A talent of memory. A talent of cleverness. A talent of beauty and smarts all rolled into one. Yes. I have that talent.

Ouch!

Good thing we've got a chiropractor in the family.

To my brothers Ari and Eric:

Remember when we used to always make these houses? I still like to make them. I made this one with Ben the other day.

Ben made that cool wheel chair all by himself.

Watching a little television by the fire pit that Ben built. The tall gray and yellow thing is a light fixture made by Ben also.

Oh look, Obi Wan is hungry. Hope he can find something in the fridge to munch on.

Young Anakin can choose whichever room he wants. Upstairs room,

or downstairs. The downstairs is a little cooler though.

And finally, you can't forget this room for when nature calls.

Does this girl look 32?

Don't answer that! It's just strange. Really strange. But it's true.
Post script: does anyone else have to do math to figure out how old you are these days? I can never remember.

Biology minute

Did you know that yawning is your body's way of getting rid of extra carbon dioxide? (At least that's one theory that a high school teacher shared with us.) If you think about it, during a yawn, you bring in lots of oxygen and then breathe out as far as you can. When you are bored or tired you are breathing more shallow and so you don't rid yourself of enough carbon dioxide. When you fall asleep, you breathe deeply and so... no more yawning. Also, when you are up doing things and/or talking you are breathing deeply. So next time you can't stop yawning try breathing deep. Especially the breathing out part.

Isn't it weird that you can make yourself yawn though? Like when your ears get plugged during ascending and descending. When I read books to my kids and the character yawns, I can make the perfect sound effect with a (real) yawn of my own. And isn't it weird that yawning is contagious? I think so.

The 4th

We drove up to Jackson Hole for the 4th of July weekend. It is such a pretty drive. We met up with my brother Eric and his wife Tagen and all of her family and my sister Sinika and her husband Adam and camped in a campground in Alpine, Wy.
These are pics of Brian's sister's family cabin in Star Valley. I tried to move them to the end of the post but it wouldn't let me for some reason.

Here are the camping pictures. Right when we got there there was a downpour of rain. We thought it was a precursor to the whole weekend, but it cleared up.

A little game of throwy-golf-ball-on-a-rope anyone?

Ben got to have a fun ride on the 4-wheeler with Tagen's cousin Dallin.

Aww, it looks like they are all happily asleep. I wish they really were by that time but they are just posing. Actually, Elli and Ben were very good at going to sleep. It was little Addie that had to crawl all over everyone 500 times before she decided to sleep.

Elli got to ride this horse. Isn't she a beauty? That's why her name is Beauty. She has one brown eye and one blue eye. When we got home Elli made this likeness of her out of some game pieces.

I rode a horse too, (for a short ride) but there will be no pictures of me riding on here due to the reasons given in the previous post. The muffin was extra risen and the pants were threatening rippance.

The typical Jackson Hole picture.

Fun with glow sticks.

The most important part of the trip (according to my husband) : meeting our cow. Yep. We are the proud owners of a cow. His name is Jerky. Beef Jerky. Who knows, maybe this will be the thing that turns me into a vegetarian. It is a life long dream of my husbands to own a cow. His other dream would be for it to live close enough to us that he could milk it every day and have fresh milk. But alas, he is too far away from us. Plus he is a male cow. He is living in Wyoming on some family's-family's land.

Speaking of ripping pants...

I like food. Alright, I LOVE food. And food loves me. That must be why it likes to hang around me. (Mostly my middle section.)

I do love food that's good for me. I love vegetables and fruit. I like whole wheat bread and I eat meat sparingly. I love freshly made juices, orange being my favorite and carrot-apple coming in a close second.

But I also love anything with cream (ice, whipped, or sour)... or butter... or sugar. And don't even think about giving me any of the light crap. I know, I know. Not the best things for a body. So that's why I have about 20 extra pounds on my short self. I just can't go without the delectable deliciousness of bad/good food. (Bad being bad for me, good being sooooo yummy.) So I guess I just need to get comfy with how I am.

I do go jogging 3 times a week. I could definitely push myself a little harder while jogging. But I'd hate to think what I would look like if I did no jogging at all.

I'm just sayin'. That's why. If you were wondering why I have major muffin top, full face and tottering triceps. That's why.